Relationship Talk: My girl is a terrible liar but it’s hard to dump her

A lying girlfriend.

I have been dating her for 10 months now and I have already caught her in series of lies.

Dear Bukky,

I am writing you from Ibadan. There is this girl I have been dating for 10 months now who I have caught in series of lies.

Most are caught due to the fact that I checked her phone and after some reflections on my part I've decided it's not the best thing to do and I want to stop doing so.

But I'm afraid of going to bed while there is fire on my roof.

Example of such lies are: she cleared chats with a guy she claims has interest in dating her after I told her not to clear chats as it makes it seem like she's hiding something from me.

Without asking her she told me her dad subscribed for her, but I later discovered that her lecturer who studies abroad did that for her.

She claimed to be talking to her brother on WhatsApp call after her not picking my calls, only for me to discover that she was actually video calling this same lecture.

She also lied about number of people she's dated without me asking about them in the first place.

As much as most of these things she lied about are insignificant, I’m still afraid of trusting her fully.

I love her deeply and she was remorseful and apologized for her action.

I hope not checking her phone won't come back to bite me in the ass.

Dear reader,

I think it is not enough to be sorry for being untruthful. You can’t remain in the relationship just because she shows remorse every time she lies.

I admire a forgiving spirit and having one is actually great. But there’s only so much forgiveness one can do.

Her remorse is incomplete and her apologies hollow if she’s just going to turn around and repeat the same thing every time.

Yes, what she’s lying about might be insignificant but the act of lying is not. Constant, willful dishonesty is not something you want to overlook in a partner.

About checking her phone, I think you should stay off that. What you don’t know won’t kill you.

I know that’s going to be difficult given how the seed of distrust has been sown by the things you saw earlier but just try to stay off her phone.

However, keep your eyes open. I advise you stay in the relationship with the hope of change and also with a readiness to bolt if it turns out that she has refused to change.

Don’t be too blind to things that you’ll regret later.
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